Pam Anderson Probably The Dumbest Blonde On The Planet

Pamela Anderson has sure made it far for someone who has skated through life on her looks and the size of her boobs. She’s special. Like the same kids that came to elementary school an hour later on a bus much smaller than the one you rode on. Pam somehow knows the WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange who happens to be on the run. She was allegedly introduced to him through Vivienne Westwood because everyone knows that anyone seeking to declassify official documents online loves hanging out with British fashion designers. Not strange at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if her introduction happened somewhere in Manchester after Alexander McQueen felt it was necessary to invite her into his inner circle after sucking off Eric Snowden in the nearby loo. Either way, part-time cosmopolitan Pam is worried about her friend Assange taking his own life all because his wifi may not be working. They haven’t spoken in a month.

Assange has been seeking political asylum at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London as he avoids facing extradition to Sweden over a rape allegation and espionage charges in the United States. Still, Pamela thinks he's misunderstood.

"We talk about everything. We talk about the Bible, we talk about what's happening with my kids, what's happening with his family. It's not just about politics, even though I do take a lot of notes and it's so overwhelming, the information he gives me."

"He's cut off from everybody. The air and light quality [at the Ecuadorean Embassy in London] is terrible because he can't keep his windows open and he can't get any sunlight. Even prisoners can go outside, but he can't." "I'm always bringing him vegan food, but he eats very simply. I talked to him on the phone the day [his Internet] was shut off. He sent me an urgent call. And now, nothing."

It’s times like these that I’m grateful for being grandfathered in when it comes to unlimited data. I don’t have to seek the nearest fast food establishment to look at dirty pics online or let my friends know that I’m alive by uploading to social media. I can do that all from the comfort of wherever I’m at anytime I wish. “What’s the password for the wifi” is a question only peons and those seeking political asylum are familiar with. Pam is 50-years-old and moved to France to date French footballer Adil Rami. Leaving behind her two kids for a Golden Retriever named Zuzu and men who require more maintenance than the women they date. She should avoid getting her boy toy too drunk from the wine or she may end up with the pleasure of stuffing a baguette in her boyfriend’s backdoor.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Pacific Coast News