Nicki Minaj Was The Undisputed Ass Queen Of This Year’s VMA’s

I think what I love the most about Nicki Minaj’s dress is the functionality of it. Not only does this woman look gorgeous, but she is also ready to go spread the gospel of rap to the farthest reaches of the Amazon. When your genitals are protected by weapons grade mosquito netting your options for travel are literally limitless.

Personally, I would never choose to go to the Amazon, whether I had mosquito netting or not. From what I hear the forest is still in danger of deforestation, and I would hate to add to that threat. I just do not think I could resist the desire to cut down some of those trees. I come from a long line of lumberjacks, so it is in my blood to chop up trees.

Like any recovering addict, I know it is better for me to remove myself from temptation. That is why I live in urban settings, far removed from any trees. I refuse to even work in an office that uses paper because I am liable to stack up the reams and cut them down with a pocket knife. Even I can admit that is a waste of company time.

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