Melania Trump Declared Not A Prostitute

The Daily Mail must pay $2.9M in damages after claiming that Melania Trump operated as a dick servicing station before marrying Donald Trump. During and after remain in question. The British-based publishing giant issued an official apology for their 2016 article stating that Trump’s 1990’s modeling agency doubled as an escort service. They could provide no proof. There's a certain President looking through his receipts from that time period about to ask for his money back.  

Melania Trump is to be known as a businesswoman, unless you've got three mill hanging around to say otherwise. She hops on her husband every once in a while in exchange for a lavish lifestyle. She looks like a million bucks because she costs a million bucks. All first ladies have the overly doting cathouse girl gene. This doesn’t mean they are professional hookers. They’re just resourceful. Trump’s lawsuit claimed that The Daily Mail article compromised her chance to:  

…launch a broad-based commercial brand in multiple product categories. The plaintiff is one of the most photographed women in the world, and the plaintiff’s brand has lost significant value.  

Ironically, the vast majority of Trump’s jewelry buyers before the settlement were Slovenian escorts. She’s going to need to rebrand her line. The official apology from Daily Mail includes:  

The Mail Online website and the Daily Mail newspaper published an article on 20th August 2016 about Melania Trump which questioned the nature of her work as a professional model, and republished allegations that she provided services beyond simply modeling.  

We accept that these allegations about Mrs Trump are not true and we retract and withdraw them. We apologize to Mrs Trump for any distress that our publication caused her. To settle Mrs Trump's two lawsuits against us, we have agreed to pay her damages and costs. 

The lawsuit originally sought $150M in damages. The Donald knows how to create a headline. The Daily Mail knows how to print tons of stories about dead and molested babies around the world for clickbait. The three million settlement could've gone either direction. Maybe it'll be donated to the same charities Amber Heard's sending her divorce settlement cash to by 2033. Assume nobody's learned their lesson from this ordeal. We'll always have the nudes.

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