Mastermind Of The Day: Tonka Barnes – The Horny Burglar

 

In honor of the wayward criminals of the comedy, Masterminds, in theaters September 30, we're taking a look at some of our world's most inept, clumsy, and dumb-ass criminals.

I'm not a burglar myself and have never been arrested but it seems to me that the last thing you want to do when you are robbing a house is linger. You go in, grab the stuff, and then leave. A few minutes is all it should take. But sometimes burglars do stupid things like stop and eat a sandwich or use the toilet leaving behind some DNA. When Tonka Barnes and a male accomplice tried to rob poor Jamie Barnes they left a different kind of DNA behind. Jamie came home after being gone for a couple of days to find her house had been ransacked. It was a mess, but she also found a shocking sight in that not only were the burglars still there, they were having sex on her couch. Jamie said,

“It’s horrible in there. It’s absolutely horrible in there. It’s like they just had a big old nasty party. Walk in and they’re having sex on my couch. I pick up my broom, I wanted to hit that man so bad.”

Tonka Barnes tried to grab one of Jamie's dresses to cover up but Jamie grabbed the dress away to leave her to her shame. She chased the man out of her house but he escaped with some of the loot. He is still at large, presumedly he's put his pants back on by now. Tonka was not so lucky and was arrested and was charged with aggravated burglary. Now, I understand that sometimes you really want to do the deed, but a little self control is called for in a situation like this. Keep it in your pants until you get home and then do it in the peace and quiet of your own bedroom. Time and place, people, time and place. 

 

See the Masterminds trailer.