Lauren Conrad Bans Skinny

Lauren Conrad's website catering to the wealthy unemployed crowd has banned the word "skinny". Skinny is now an unspeakable term and anyone who actually happens to be skinny should going forward refer to themselves as less fat. The word fat itself was phased out during Al Gore's presidential bid and replaced with healthy. If you're doing the math being skinny is unhealthy which is why you see all those college track and field athletes getting triple bypasses. Conrad explained:

"When we've talked about getting in shape in the past, words like "skinny," "slim," and "thin" have often come up. Starting this month, we'll be banning any body shaming terms from the site, and replacing them with words like "fit," "toned," and "healthy.""

Slim isn't a body shaming term. It's a useful adjective. Institute whatever double speak you want, I'm game. Excuse me Samantha you look super not toned enough to squeeze your aggressively healthy buttocks into that seat. Can we get a seatbelt extension for the moderately toned woman in 26A? You look like you're fit for a lap band. There's slim pickin's on this plane. It's full of obese women. I'll take a box of Thin Mints.

Photo Credit: Instagram