Kim Kardashian Pregnant! But Not By This Dude, But That Other Dude, No, Not Him, The Other Guy

Editor's note: Kanye West remains yet to be in a publicly released sex tape with Kim, so we're using Ray J, seen above, to give you a general idea of how babies are made in a Kardasshian. 

Well, you knew it had to happen eventually. Kanye West may be a player, but in the dark, a couple shots of Cuervo in you, you're going to mistake pink for stink and the next think you know, here comes baby in the baby carriage.

The Kardashian Family Mafia, in association with Kanye West Productions, and various and assorted Public Relations firms, and no doubt People Magazine, E! Network, and affiliated media and promotional entities, co-financed through a bank in the Cayman Islands, announced today that Kim Kardashian was with child. A true blessing indeed. Unless you read scripture, in which case, a careful examination of the new baby's skull for the triple-6 markings might be in order.

What does it mean in the grand scheme of things? Well, for one, Kim can now get fat. I don't mean like kind of chunky, or, she carries a little extra in the hips, or, more cushin' for the pushin' kind of fat. I mean ginormous beasts of the land and sea kind of fat. I mean Jessica Simpson fat. It's going to be tremendous once that diarrhetic amphetamine bulemic stratagem disappears.

Oh, also, The Kardashians will make tons more money. God bless America.