Kim Kardashian Bikini And Tequila Payday

According to the media, "Kim Kardashian flaunts her famous curves while partying it up with family and friends in the Bahamas to celebrate Kanye West's 40th birthday". According to pimp truth, she's exploiting her centaur ancestry to pimp out George Clooney's tequila brand for her minimum $700,000 Insta endorsement fee. The only alcohol brands worth drinking are promoted by reality television stars who can hold up to two shots before passing out.

Kardashian rented out a private island where she flew in cases of Casamigos Tequila to be guzzled down by Kanye's friends looking to make the Bahamas look even less appealing. An Instagram video shows the Armenian Goddess, Herpesian, stomping around while chugging Casamigos.

An anonymous source who we figured out years ago was Kris Jenner earning her ten percent spills all the important details:

It was a fun weekend for the family. Everyone hung out by the pool and the kids played on the beach making sandcastles. It was very important for them that it was a private weekend and they went out of their way to make that happen. 

They rented four planes and everyone left in secrecy and there was a no social media rule so no one would find them.

Well, no unpaid social media posts at least. The vagina crime family reportedly shilled out $440,000 for the entire weekend. Basic cable stars are the closest Americans will get to a royal family. The Kennedys petered out and the name Obama is too scary. JFK on his sailboat off Hyannis. The Royals quail hunting in Edinburgh or whatever the hell they do. Kardashian doing shots of George Clooney tequila with the interlocked Chanel C's adorning her fuckhole. It would be easy to make fun of women for their shallow choice of heroes if not for all the grown men at the gym in their LeBron jerseys.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}