Joey Chestnut Is The Greatest Athlete In America

The great Joey Chestnut has done it again by taking back the top prize at the Super Bowl of competitive eating: The Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest. He ate a record-breaking 70 hot dogs yesterday, 17 more than reigning champ Matt “The Megatoad” Stonie. Chestnut is a legend, up there with Kobayashi, as the greatest of all time. He has been out of the top spot for a couple of years now. It's kind of like when Muhammed Ali (respect) won his title back from George Foreman. You know, except instead of the titanic sport of boxing it is a dude eating a crapload of hot dogs. But if you think about it, perhaps Chestnut is the greatest American athlete because eating is America's real pastime. Let's face it, it isn't baseball anymore and football is great but it isn't for everyone. But we all eat and judging by the size of our collective butts, we like to eat a lot. So, it makes sense that one of our biggest events of the year is a gross exercise in conspicuous consumption. 

Maybe they should make competitive eating an Olympic event. Chestnut could be the first gold medal champ. In fact I'm pretty sure America would win every year. No one can out eat us. No one.