Happy Birthday: Everybody’s Favorite Extra Busty Latina Actress Sofia Vergara

This may sound like crazy talk, but I am not sold on the idea of Sofia Vergara being the sexiest thing on two feet.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying she is not attractive. Of course she is. She has a rack so big I could hang my coat on it. I am just saying that when you begin to peel away some of the cosmetic features there is not much left on her that is not on other ordinary women.

Like, I would say about sixty percent of her hotness comes from her hair. If that gets shaved off due to a freak bubblegum accident then she is hardly even attractive at all. Sure, the boobs still put her above average, but if those get hit by a steam roller then what does she have? Stunning cheek bones? Ha, please, I don’t even get out of bed for cheekbones. Dig through enough layers of fat and every girl has cheekbones. Add enough layers of fat and every girl has huge boobs.

Under that light any girl could be as attractive as Sofia Vergara. All you need to do is alter reality to your liking, just as I do when I am drunk and the bar announces last call.

Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News