Halsey Wows In Gorgeous Zip-Up Bikini

Halsey’s bikini is causing me to be much more disoriented than it probably should. I just do not get it. Bathing suits go in water, and metal rusts in water. What is the lifespan for this bikini, three wears? I hope it comes with an accessory of a tetanus shot, because she will certainly be needing one.

Metal is also really heavy. Why would anyone want to add it to their swimwear? I once tried swimming with my socks on—they damn near cause me to drown. That extra weight is no joke. I was almost happy to drown as well due to the disgusting feeling of having wet socks on my body. I felt like a cat was suckling on my feet.

I suppose this is just the price one pays for trying to look chic. Risking catching a nipple or pubes in the zipper probably sounds like child’s play at this point. And who isn’t looking for an excuse to call EMS over an embarrassing mishap? I know I loved needing their help to get unstuck from between the toilet and the bathtub. So many laughs were had. Not by me, but they were still had.

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