Gabrielle Union Plays the Race Card (also the Woman Card and the Kid Card)

Gabrielle Union says she's calling the FBI over her leaked nude photos. She insists they were private keepsakes meant for just her and Dwyane Wade and maybe Dwayne Wade's ex-wife if he chose to show them to her to taunt her about the hot new celebrity pussy he was getting. I'm sure a top level agent at the Hoover Building is handling all the late night calls from celebrities. The Feds must have read Gabrielle and Dwyane's impressive joint statement on their hate crime attack:

I can't help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time women and children, specifically women of color, have been victimized, and the power over their own bodies taken from them. These atrocities against women and children continue worldwide.

Only by matching public relations forces could they come up with comparing the leaking of Gabrielle showing off her tits in the bathroom to the institutionalized rape and subjugation of millions. I remember when a kid in sixth grade gym pantsed me in front of some girls. I couldn't help but be reminded of the Armenian genocide. I wish System of a Down had been there to play me out of the gym.

Gabrielle's next letter should be to the leading celebrity media outlets wondering why her name wasn't mentioned in any of their celebrity hacked photo stories today. Now that's some racist child victimizing shit right there.