Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: Super Mario Bros.

To continue the thirtieth NES-iversary celebrations (see also: the notorious plastic ballache that is R.O.B.), today we're going to feast our eyes, ears and balls on Super Mario Bros.

This was, geekgamerz states, the best-selling release on the system, shifting an alleged 42 million copies. That mighty total is, for the fans of obscure, nerdly and largely irrelevant facts among us, roughly equal to the entire population of Argentina. This evokes all kinds of peculiar images of tech-savvy South American nations with a penchant for retro-ness, clasping hands and uniting as one to salute the first ever Super Mario. Perhaps there could be a festival, at which several of the finer Latin ladies could dance about dressed only in Mario and Luigi caps.

We're not saying that such an event must be arranged immediately, but we're not saying it mustn't either.

But our train of thought isn't due to make a stop at Crazy Town today, so we'll just confirm that it remains the second most popular console game of all time (only Wii pack-in Wii Sports has sold more) and move hastily on.

Super Mario Bros. was released in 1985, and introduced the formula that has scarcely changed a single iota in 28 years: Bowser has kidnapped Princess Toadstool (she wouldn't be 'Peach' for a good few years yet). In the absence of Superman, a band of studly knights of yore or anyone else remotely qualified for such a gallant rescue attempt, who sets out in pursuit? An overweight, middle-aged plumber. In the would-be heroes stakes, this is what is known as the shitty end of the stick.

What follows is a 2d sidescrolling platformer of legend. It's a primary colored shitstorm of relentlessly catchy joyful music, Goombas irritatingly placed to kill you in the face and Princesses who insist on transforming into spider-things and/or being in another castle. Behold Exhibit A, and allow the warm glowing warming glow of nostalgia to spread to the very tips of your nether regions:

This bastard has been re-released repeatedly since the Eighties, arriving in some form or another on almost every Nintendo-branded console ever released. Whenever a company executive fancies another diamond-studded Humvee or an additional solid gold storey on their home, it is declared Super Mario Bros. Day, and they all high-five and order the most expensive bottle of house wine. All on us, and our Mario-loving money.

Well, kinda sorta. If we put on our cynical hats, that's certainly the concept behind the recent New Super Mario Bros. franchise, which has graced all of Nintendo's recent consoles up to the Wii U. Sure, few other entries in the genre can touch them, but the stench of familiarity gets a little stronger with each installment. Someone crack a window.

Still, the original Super Mario Bros. was a revelation. Bowser's first appearance is worth toasting, even if --thanks to the wonderment of Eighties visuals-- he did resemble a furious, blurred hemorrhoid with gangrene. Retrotacular!

Source of images: gamefaqs.