Forget Call of Duty, Real Men Need the Retro Love: MediEvil

Remember this bony bastard? It's the mighty, moldy knight Sir Daniel Fortesque, star of the cult classic MediEvil series. His is a tale of supposed heroism, cowardice, heroism again, and stabbing marauding zombie farmers in the gonads with a spear. Strap yourselves in, gentlemen, and let's take a look.

The original, PlayStation exclusive MediEvil was again released in 1998. ‘Sir Dan,' as his lordly, socialite friends knew him, was a commander in the king of Gallowmere's army. Sent to dispatch the undead hordes of really-quite-dickish dark sorcerer Zarok, Fortesque flees, and is hit in the ass by an arrow and killed in the early stages of the battle. Somehow, this noble truth is forgotten, and Zarok's defeat and Dan's reputation as legendary hero are recorded.

The sorcerer returns a century later, and raises another army of demons and zombies from their graves. Said enchantment also revives our festering friend Fortesque, who shakes the maggots from his steely codpiece and sets out to earn his ill-gotten reputation (a hundred years of pointing, laughing and you suck-ing takes its toll on a man, presumably) by vanquishing Zarok for good.

MediEvil is an action/platformer/hack and slash, set in creepy locales around the land of Gallowmere. Ghost ships, deserted towns, the ol' favorite graveyards and all the usual fare make up the levels, and your undead opponents within will be sliced into two squelchy pieces or crushed into meaty flecks by your weapons (a vintage Medieval selection of swords, axes, bows, and --naturally-- a dragon suit that breathes fire). It's all rather macabre, as the re-animated festering corpse in armor that you're controlling should tell you.

Nevertheless, it's more of a Nightmare Before Christmas sort of deal. There's a creeptacular cuteness about the game, with an odd little joke or quirky moment thrust into your eyeballs at every opportunity (another weapon, the chicken drumstick, will transform any foe into a harmless piece of fried chicken, which you can eat to regain some health). Y'know, just the right balance, so you don't question why in holy hell a giant, demonically possessed pumpkin with glowing eyes is trying to kill you in the face. Who wants those nightmares? No one, that's who.

MediEvil is now relatively obscure, but its unique sense of style and fun made it quite a success on release. It warranted a Victorian-themed sequel (released in 2000) and PSP remake, at any rate, but Fortesque has been consigned to gaming's Z-list since. A recent appearance as a fighter in Sony's me-too Smash Bros. ballache PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale will not do.

Finally, behold MediEvil in action, courtesy of Artificialraven:

Source of images: gamefaqs.