Dolly Parton Is Open To A Threesome With Jennifer Aniston

To be honest, I don’t even like dating women that aren’t also into women. You know, they say relationships are built on things shared in common so she should like ladies too if she expects our relationship to last. Dolly Parton gets it. Even though she’s looking less White-American and more White Walker at the tender age of 72, she claims she’s still down for getting a little perverse before laying in a hearse. Parton proclaimed that she would like to invite Jennifer Aniston over for a little tribadism and other menage a trois activities with her husband who probably hasn’t got an erection without pill assistance since Jimmy Carter left office.

Jennifer Aniston recently checked a Parton collab off her list; she asked Parton to write some original music for her Netflix beauty pageant movie Dumplin’.

“I love her to death,” Parton said of Aniston on The Tonight Show. “My husband is crazy about her.”

She goes on:

And he was more excited that I was going to do a movie with her than he was that I got the chance to write all this music. See, I think he kind of fantasizes about like a threesome with us. I’m serious! No, I’m serious, he does! And I think he can’t even get it up to pee, much less get it up for three.

Dolly Parton is a gem and later told E! News that her husband said, “Well, maybe I couldn’t do a threesome, but I think, if it was Jennifer, I could do a two and a half.”

If I was Aniston, I would be creeped out. A freaky elderly couple being brave enough to openly invite you as a third for intercourse is alarming. But what’s a woman to do when Parton wants to play with your pudding. Declining Dolly’s offer to share her husband would seem rude. But then there’s the very real possibility of Dolly and her husband experiencing injury or death if things get too rough. And who really wants to be the person with a full paragraph about how they scissored Dolly Parton to death added to their official Wikipedia page.

Photo Credit: Getty Images