Chupacabra Found, Stuffed, And Mounted In Texas

A lady in the land of Texas has finally caught the elusive chupacabra...maybe. Phylis Canion found the fiendish goat sucker dead on the side of the road way back in 2007. Something had been killing her chickens and Phyilis suspected a chupacabra. The name for this creature means "goat sucker" in Spanish. This is because of its vampiric tendencies. Why did Phyilis think it was a chupacabra and not one of the many coyote's in the area? Because,

"We know the animal that killed the chicken licked the blood. It opens the throat in the jugular. It seems to like the taste of blood, which is interesting because the only animal that is set up to suck blood is the bat."

OK, so that's weird. Phyilis then did what anyone who finds a possible alien species would do: take it to the local taxidermist. Scientists have taken DNA samples of the creature, (now stuffed), and determined that it is the bastard son of a coyote and a Mexican wolf with severe mange. Suuuurrre. That's what they want you to think. It has three toes instead of four and has weird ass phalanges on its...well...ass. Coyotes don't have that crap! We need more DNA to know the truth. Most of my family still live in Texas and I would rather not have them eaten by a weird blue hell hound. Phyilis knows she's in for a challenge:

"There is no way to trap it. It's not the kind of animal you can lure. Everyone in Texas carries a gun, but I don't want to annihilate them. I want to [shoot them with a tranquilizer dart] and get the DNA."

Lord, I do love Texas.