Armstrong The Good Giraffe Gives Us All Hope

What would you say if I told you there was a kind giraffe that walks around Scotland doing good deeds? More than likely you'd think I was riding the dragon like in Trainspotting. Armstrong the Good Giraffe is a guy named Armstrong Ballie who dresses up like the tall herbivore and goes around doing good deeds. He gives hot coffee to people on a cold day, gift certificates for formula to new mothers at the hospital, waters to marathon runners, and even cleans dirty kitty litter boxes. He is also known to play his kazoo in the park for the kiddies. Now, Armstrong is clearly insane. He seems to really THINK he's the giraffe. The suit is also pretty wacky as it was made by his mom. Still, most lunatics don't do any good in this world. The average loony I come into contact with here in New York City just wants to masturbate and scream about how Obama is really an alligator wearing a mask. Entertaining as that it, it does no one any good. So, I say we need to get some kindhearted crazy people like Armstrong to by constructively insane here in the States. We don't want to fall behind in the madmen in a wacky suit race, do we?