Are Beard Wearers Healthier Or Gross?

I've been a beard wearer for over 20 years. This was before the hipster made the beard the accessory for pretentious douchenozzles. I wear it because the men in my family have weak chins. But what if I told you that beards may actually be good for your health? The jury is still out. Some studies think that beards trap poo particles. I don't know what disgusting beardies these studies were testing but I don't think that's true. Or at least, I hope not. The Journal of Hospital Infection, however, says that it is people with non-beards are the ones with a bunch of gross stuff on their faces. The study found that people with no beards had more Staphylococcus aureus germs on their grille as well as other bacteria. Apparently, all that shaving irritates the skin and causes infections. 

The other benefit of wearing a beard is that it allows you to be lazy. It's sort of glorious. If I had to shave my face every day I would probably kill myself.