Amy Schumer Is Making Attire For The Bigger Woman

I’m not that deep. Usually when I get a gut feeling it means I have to fart. I’m not trying to find any hidden meanings behind the things certain celebrities do. If everyone was more straightforward, this world would be a better place. But this time, this gut feeling is inspired by Amy Schumer. And my insides are alluding that it's slightly more sinister than my body telling me it’s time for another game of shart roulette. I’m about 87 percent sure Schumer is hiding a tanking career in virtue signaling and aggressive social justice PR stunts. She randomly started caring about black and fat people out of the blue. First she demonized everyone not kneeling in the NFL. Which is the equivalent of shaming someone for drinking with a plastic straw because you read on a blog somewhere global warming can be reversed if everyone switches to sippy cups. Now she’s making a clothing line for “women of all sizes.” Which is code for a clothing line for “women who refuse to lose weight” but still want to wear cute clothes so men eye them the same way they eye all you can eat buffet establishments.

Amy Schumer is adding “fashion designer” to her résumé.

The comedian, 37, will launch a clothing line in collaboration with her stylist, Leesa Evans. The brand, dubbed Le Cloud, will be sold exclusively at Saks Off 5th beginning Dec. 13 and features “wardrobe essentials for women of all shapes and sizes,” according to Women’s Wear Daily.

The 28-piece collection includes tops, pants, skirts and jumpsuits — all in fabrics that “feel like a cloud,” hence the name — priced from $38 to $248 and in sizes ranging from 0 (or XS) to 20 (or XXL).

“Getting dressed has always been really stressful for me. I never had that thing where I knew how to put together a good outfit that I felt great in,” Schumer told WWD. “I was more apt to take myself out of the equation and dress way down so that people knew I wasn’t even trying.”

A fat woman making clothes for fat women. I guess this is progress. And all of those extra triple XL blouses that don’t sell can be donated as blankets to third-world children who are third of their size. I want to say Amy’s husband encouraged this idea. He wanted to give her something else to do besides begging him for food and sex. Because if Amy’s husband goes any faster than one stroke per minute when making love to her, the room immediately begins to smell like bacon grease. There’s only so many times a man can tolerate Miss Piggy's sensual snorting when approaching orgasm, and finally letting out a relieving squeal to confirm climax.

[Go See A Whole Lot More From Amy Schumer]