afternoon headlines

STEVE JOBS - has fought a rare form of pancreatic cancer for 7 years, but now reportedly has just 6 weeks to live. It's not that there isn't a cure for pancreatic cancer, it's just that it's on youtube and he can't open the file. (the enquirer)

ASHLEY SIMPSON - filed for divorce from Pete Wentz just last week, but she's been out partying for months, and it got to the point where he felt he couldn't trust her. Which seems reasonable. Because she's dumb, and has probably been on the losing end of a roofie more than once. (us)

CHRISSY TEIGEN - and the rest of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models are in Vegas to promote the swimsuit issue, which I bet you never even heard of until this very moment. This Vegas trip really saved the day. (fame)