A Bunch of Horror Legends Travel to the “Area 51 of Evil” in Debut Trailer for ‘Death House’ (VIDEO)

What if I told you that there was a horror movie on the horizon written by Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface), and starring Kane Hodder (Friday the 13th's most famous Jason), Dee Wallace (Cujo, The Howling), Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger), Doug Bradley (Pinhead), Tony Todd (Candyman), Adrienne Barbeau (Creepshow, Swamp Thing), Bill Moseley and Sid Haig (House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects), Michael Berryman (The Hills Have Eyes), Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead), Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator), Camille Keaton (I Spit on Your Grave), Vernon Wells (Bennett from Commando), and—by contractual obligation to appear in every movie ever made—Danny Trejo?

You might call me a liar, and I would say nay, I am no liar. Behold! The debut trailer for Death House features an entire horror convention's worth of stars gathered for what appears to be a by-the-numbers cheapie that looks worthy of no one's time. Not even the late Gunnar Hansen, who wrote the damn thing. It feels like a dig at his legacy that this got made at all. The movie's synopsis—which you can read below along with the film's poster—is also impossibly complex for no good god damned reason.

You really can't help but admire that cast, though. It really does sound like the best lineup for Flashback Weekend Chicago in history. Death House, which is being advertised as "The Expendables of Horror" will be available on VOD November 6, just in time for a week after Halloween. Sigh.

The Death House is the Area 51 of Evil… a subterranean government facility that holds humanity’s worst on nine levels. Hell, Dante’s ninth level, holds the Five Evils… the “dark stars” of Death House. These individuals are so heinous they can never walk among society again. They may also be supernatural.

Agents Toria Boon and Jae Novak have their own dark pasts, arriving at Death House to tour its levels and observe its denizens first-hand as well as the medical and mental experiments of Drs. Eileen Fletcher and Karen Redmane. Their depraved experiments date back to the Nazi doctors of WWII.

Prison cells are virtual reality holo decks that recreate prisoner environments before they were incarcerated. A special hallucinogenic gas keeps inmates under control. The victims are homeless, bused into Death House to play literal victims while killing habits are studied. The results are sick, but only a hint of what goes on here.

Hell literally breaks loose inside the facility when an EMP device detonates, killing all power and communication and… releasing every prisoner. Boon, Novak, and Fletcher are caught in a race against advancing prisoner hordes led by occultist Neo-Nazi Sieg. The monsters are freed, and they’re going down.

Boon and Novak’s fight through Death House turns into a house of horrors gauntlet; their only hope of escape is descending into Hell and enlisting the help of the Five Evils. Events culminate in a violent face-to-face standoff with absolute evil… only to find that they have traveled down a rabbit hole and through a looking glass. Black is white and white is black and the definitions of good and evil no longer apply.

Who are the monsters? Who will escape?

[h/t Slashfilm]

Also, I fixed that poster for you...