Lindsay Comes Clean Before Betty Ford

Talk about your total pile of revisionist excrement. Lindsay Lohan did one last tell-all with Piers Morgan for the Daily Mail to get some cash for smokes at Betty Ford. It includes such unlikely gems as:

Lohan claims that "the first time" she'd taken drugs was when she was popped for her first DUI on May 26, 2007, and police found cocaine in her car.

Yeah, and, uh-huh. Maybe British people will believe that one. And my aunt Chelle. She's big on horoscopes and alien abductions. But, wait, there's more. Lindsay laughs off the idea that she's a heavy former child actress drinker, a mild social consumer at best. a teetotaler really.

Lohan claims she didn't have her first drink until she was 17, and that mom Dina taught her a lesson the first time she did. "I got really sick and Mum made me sleep with vomit still on me so I'd understand how it felt."

It probably felt like sleeping with Michael Lohan. Maybe mom was sending you a bigger message. Maybe it was a cry for help from your drug addicted abused mother!

And, finally one honest moment:

"I've been court-ordered to do [rehab] six times. I could write the book on rehab. Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time," and that "they just asked me the same old questions I'd answered before."

Of course rehab is pointless. You don't do drugs and you had a couple drinks once in high school. That's why it's worse for you than jail time. You can handle the prison rapes and used sanitary napkin beat downs, it's the hypocrisy that kills you.