Kate Upton Is a Maverick

Nobody knows makeup like Bobbi Brown. Whoever the fuck that is. I thought it was dead Whitney Houston's crack pipe partner, but I guess it's some makeup artist now making a billion dollars selling concealers. She used to have Katie Holmes as her spokesmodel, but then one day she saw Katie with her Bobbi Brown makeup on and realized she looked just as dowdy as without, so she shitcanned her. Now she's hired Kate Upton to front her makeup line. Because when you think about Kate Upton, you're forever wondering who does her mascara, or you would, if she wore mascara on her tits. Doesn't matter, Bobbi Brown is smitten:

I admire women who create their own rules, so I was naturally drawn to Kate because she's a maverick who has carved her own path to success.

Naturally, she's referring to Kate modeling lingerie and swimsuits and taking bit roles in movies as the bouncy blond bombshell. Talk about blazing a trail. That's Lewis and Clark type frontiersman-ship. Tell Ma I love her, we may not be back. I bet every other good looking D-cup blond in Hollywood wished they'd scratched their noggins hard enough to conceive that maverick plan of attack. Sometimes, I'd always thought makeup artists were incapable of telling falsehoods, but I might be thinking of superheroes.

Photo credit: Kate Upton/Instagram