Eva Longoria Also Had an Epic Response, So Epic, Her Vagina Inhaled Her Pants

Eva Longoria chastised journalists of the lifestyle section of an Australian newspaper for claiming she pretends to need glasses simply to push some designer eyewear to not necessarily Hispanic women at the 99-Cent store.

If you had done your journalistic duty (it's actually not that hard, a more thorough google job, or one phone call to my camp and they could have provided you any documentation) you would see that I have been wearing READING glasses since May 3, 2013.

It does suck when journalists refuse to call your camp. Call my fucking camp! Minnetonka. I went on scholarship and all the rich kids took turns twisting my nipples and mocking my Keds. Fuck camp. Google my damn glasses. I first donned them on May 3, 2013. Everybody remembers the day they first wore glasses. The actual fucking day. Eva Longoria seems like the kind of twat who would wear empty frames just to appear hip. I think she also tossed the water balloon that made the dude from the Gin Blossoms drink himself to death. Say, what day in 2009 did you start wearing that bracelet? Never trust a woman whose vagina eats denim.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews