Stripper Jobs Getting Automated

I haven’t had the urge to jam my manhood into an ATM with legs until 2018’s annual CES event recently decided to raise the bar. Stripper robots are no longer stuck within the confines of weird porn coming from Japan and they may be debuting sooner than you think. They aren’t smart or useful outside of a few basic functions just like real strippers. The bots also have video surveillance cameras where a head should be just incase Orwellian-like voyeurism really gets you off.

This year marks the 50th Consumer Electronics Show (CES). Plenty of the usual CES fare is on display: easily-portable high-def home projectors, smart bathrooms, and, yes, pole-dancing robots. The robots were as advertised: They gyrated on a stripper pole to music from 50 Cent and Pharrell, with dollar bills scattered on the stage and the floor.

While the bots are only in their early stage of existence it won’t be long before they’re able to join #MeToo. In the first season of the show Humans the husband has sex with the family synth. Can robots even give consent? Just because her purpose for existing was to take her clothes off doesn’t mean she was asking for it. It’s a sad day for humanity when careers in stripping are no longer safe. Struggling single mothers will have to find new ways of supporting their offspring. Maybe replacing real women with robots is taking things too far. How many shots of Jäger would it take to sleep with something whose vagina is an interchangeable part?

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