Emma Stone’s White Apology; Christian Bale Hails Satan

I don’t think I’m the only person that believes Emma Stone wouldn’t have apologized for “whitewashing” that Aloha film if it wasn’t a total flop. It’s looking like Hawaiians pretty much hate anything involving them that they weren’t consulted about first. If you still have a hula girl on your dashboard, you’re apart of the problem, chief. Honorary Pacific Islander Dwayne Johnson doesn’t even get a pass. The apology only made Emma look weak because it’s impossible to please an island of people that praise Bruno Mars like he’s second coming of Christ. The only other big name Hawaiian actresses Americans are aware of are Disney Characters. Moana or Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. Take your pick.

During her opening performance with co-host Andy Samberg at the Golden Globes on Sunday night, host Sandra Oh took aim at whitewashing in Hollywood, joking that Crazy Rich Asians “is the first studio film with an Asian-American lead since Ghost in the Shell and Aloha.”

“I’m sorry!” Stone cried out as the audience laughed, an apology Oh acknowledged by briefly and graciously folding her hands over heart.

In other Golden Globe news, I knew Satan had to be behind those sneaky Brits that speak with a fluent American accent for movies. I was always spooked by how devilishly well Daniel Kaluuya turned it on and off for roles, and completely forget Christian Bale was hiding The Queen’s English behind those mouth curtains. He also happened to be hiding a love for Satan as he hailed him for his terrific job playing Dick Cheney. Unsurprisingly it pissed off some people, including Dick’s daughter Liz Cheney. Who fired back by tweeting an old article about Bale making bail for allegedly assaulting his mother and sister.

In his acceptance speech after winning the Golden Globe award for best actor, Christian Bale scorched Richard B. Cheney by giving an unexpected shout-out to what he said was his inspiration in portraying the powerful and uncharismatic former vice president.

“Thank you, Satan,” Bale said, speaking in his natural British accent, which also caught many by surprise. He also joked, to the audience’s amusement, that he’ll be “cornering the market” on playing “charisma-free” public figures. “What do you think, Mitch McConnell next? That could be good.”

It says on page one of “How To Be A Great Actor For Dummies” that great actors are never great people. Kevin Spacey really puts his foot in it when it comes to cooking up a great performance. But he also puts his fist in it when it comes to the anus of underage boys. Allegedly. At least the Church of Satan has Bale’s back. I always thought Christian was just naturally an excellent method actor. Turns out, we probably have Baphomet to thank for one of the best Batman deliveries on film.

Satan probably inspired him to do this, too. Christian Bale arrested for 'assault on mother and sister'| The Independent. https://t.co/kesnNno9Zv

— Liz Cheney (@Liz_Cheney) January 7, 2019

To us, Satan is a symbol of pride, liberty and individualism, and it serves as an external metaphorical projection of our highest personal potential. As Mr. Bale's own talent and skill won him the award, this is fitting. Hail Christian! Hail Satan! https://t.co/ILuK8TFZXi

— The Church Of Satan (@ChurchofSatan) January 7, 2019

Photo Credit: Getty Images / MEGA / Backgrid USA