Charlie Riina Spent Christmas Eve In A Tiny Little Bikini

Charlie Riina is still finer than the finest china. I’d handle her with gloves and care, just like my grandmama’s fancy plates, if I ever come into contact with her. I hope I come into contact with her. Because she likes all the things that I like. I like sand, sun, and fun. And over these things we shall create an everlasting bond. Or at least a very interesting afternoon. I’d prefer that she put me on sand removal duty. See, the thing is, even with those showers to spray yourself on the beach, you just end up attracting more sand that sticks to your wet body after. Do you know how irritating getting sand in your shoe is? I’d bring my lucky duster and towel and make sure she isn’t cleaning stowaway sand in shoe and car seats for months after her visit. I’m pretty useful.

Heck, I’m even willing to be her human cup holder. She’s gonna need a place to put her water bottle. And that place is my hands. Also a place where she should feel comfortable to place herself when she needs to feel comfortable. I do it all. My hands are multipurpose.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / Instagram