Wonderfully Horrible Netflix Instant Films: Abraham Lincoln- Vampire Hunter

In this special Halloween edition of my examination of the depths of Netflix's crappy movie selection we turn our eyes to a movie that takes our most beloved president and turns him into a vampire slayer. It's based on the book of the same name that is part of a subgenre that takes classic works of literature or historical figures and adds monsters to it. Like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, etc. The book is actually pretty entertaining. I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it so I was excited to see the movie. The movie takes an already ridiculous premise and makes it even worse. I'm talking of course about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

The movie starts with a young Abe Lincoln whose mother is killed by a vampire. He vows revenge but how does one kill a vampire since they are so powerful. He comes under the tutelage of Henry Sturges, a self-hating vampire. He teaches Abe how to kill vamps, especially with the old rail splitter's ax. He avenges his mom's death by killing the vampire that killed her and continues to hunt vampires. Eventually he quits to, you know, become president. It turns out that the South is run by vampires and they use slavery as a form of keeping fresh meat around. So, when the Civil War breaks out Abe has to deal with the vampire threat again. There is a train fight, some monster killing, and a lot of gore. The vamps even kill Abe's son. He doesn't take it well.

Look, this movie is a crappy version of a silly book. It's pretty bad but oh so amazing. The fight scenes are really pretty terrific. Look, there are worse ways to spend your Halloween night than watching honest Abe kill vamps.