Everything you NEED to Know About Xbox One (VIDEO)

Because apparently, it isn't optional. These fact-ettes will be fired into our faces whether we want them or not. As will our chunky friend, the spangly new Kinect sensor, which insists on being included in every Xbox One package.

We NEED to know these things, Machinima tells us. We NEED to know how the console is earning its reputation as an ‘all-in-one entertainment system.' We NEED to know that Microsoft aren't being massive bastards with their daily internet checks and such any more. Most of all, we NEED a long, pervtastic close-up shot of the new controller's undercarriage. After all, where would we be without lingering technological crotch shots? It doesn't bear thinking about.

So soak up the above knowledge. There could well be a test on it later. Anybody failing will probably be shocked in the balls by a Microsoft-branded taser.