Mariah Carey Becomes the New Jenny Craig Girl (By Eating the Last Jenny Craig Girl)

We think it's great that Mariah lost 70 lbs. since giving birth to her twins. Let's be honest, the formerly perfectly-curved Mariah Carey body of the she-banging Derek Jeter and Glitter days had turned into Pillsbury Dough Boyishness even before her becoming with child from that Nickelodeon TV dude, so it's nice to see Mariah scaling back down to normal human proportions one stone at a time. In fact, taking on the role as the new Jenny Craig spokeswoman will only help Mariah lose more ounces by way of the million and one zoftig women she'll be hugging it out with over the course of the coming year.

We here at Egotastic! support the general principle that you need meat and bones to produce the perfect sextastic soup. Keep coming with the curves, dear lady folk. Enjoy.