Kim Kardashian vs. Amy Childs: Battle of the Big Curves in the Little Red Dress

Oh, how I'd love to be kindly to Kim Kardashian with just two weeks before her special day, you know, that time in a girl's life when she ropes some poor, tall, pro-athlete sucker into marrying her for the purposes of creating TV magic, and, ergo, more cash-money for the family business. So, I'm going into this battle between Kim in a form-fitting red dress versus The Only Way is Essex super-boobtastic hottie, Amy Childs, bound curves in her own little scarlet number, with an open mind, and an undone zipper (hide the children, please). And, well, to be as nuptially-season kind as possible, maybe I'll call it a draw, but to be perfectly honest, well I think the future hotness may be skewed away from Calabasas and more toward Essex. Enjoy.