John Stamos Drunk Driver

John Stamos was arrested for a DUI and then taken to the hospital because of a "possible medical condition" called a fear of mingling with common jailbirds. A boardwalk fortune teller correctly predicted this would happen last vernal equinox. It's unclear if he was blasting the Full House theme song at the time of the arrest or how many pictures the officer asked to take with him. Stamos was charged with being too sexy and remained in the hospital where he was able to snag a lucrative deal endorsing the juice boxes. Even though his behavior is inexcusable it's hard to stay mad at Stamos. He's just so damn affable. We'll give him a pass for taking out that school bus. He's got the moxie.