Ain’t Never Gonna Happen

Seeing Jennifer Love Hewitt naked would be great, but you never will. (Popoholic)

Kimberly Stewart is eligible. (Hollywood Tuna)

I dare you to find anything better than Cheerleader Wrestling! (CollegeHumor)

The Olsen Twins are soooooo hot. Or not. (DListed)

Get your Bald Britney action figure now! (Pink is the New Blog)

Brangelina say they're not adopting again. Yet. (IDLYITW)

Is Josh Hartnett dating Helena Christensen? (PopSugar)

The Beckhams are poor! (Just Jared)

Britney Spears' new excuse for her insane behaviour is Postpartum Depression. (Hollywood Rag)

Eddie Murphy was not at all happy about losing that Oscar. (A Socialite's Life)

Thinking about Celine Dion's breasts is just wrong. But if I have to, then so do you. (CityRag)

Brandon Davis ruined Paris Hilton's birthday party. (Yeeeah!)

Did Orlando Bloom and Penelope Cruz hook up after the Oscars? (Celebslam)

Bonus Video:

Apple, if you're reading this, I really want an iPhone.