Stupid Crap Sold On Coupon Sites: “Magic Kiss Stroker Cup”

Sometimes a man has to...take matters into his own hands, as it were. Maybe your girl is out with her friends and you get left at home alone. Normally, you'd just click over to bustynuns.com or whatever and do your thing before ordering a pizza. But Groupon wants to convince you that using your hand is boring. Why not buy the Magic Kiss Stroker Cup? What in the name of Zeus' taint is that? Well, it's a little cup that simulates a blowy with its suction action. It's contoured for extra squeezy fun. Now, I'm not one to judge what a person does in the privacy of their own home. However, this thing scares the hell out of me. I don't trust any machine with an automatic sucking action. What if it gets stuck mid suck? Then what are you going to do? You have to call an ambulance and then some poor paramedic has to come over and try to get your cock unstuck. Then if that doesn't work you have to go to the hospital and get it cut off. Nice try, Groupon. Get it here.