The Mystery Of The Phantom Pooper

Fox 2 News Headlines

Some fiend in Ypsilanti, Michigan has been pooping on the slides at a local playground. What kind of monster would drop a deuce on a children's plaything? No one knows. But that doesn't mean that the good people of Ypsilanti are taking this lying down. They've erected billboards all over town asking people to identify the phantom pooper. The billboards read "Help us flush the pooper"; "Do your civic doody. Report the pooper"; and "Help us catch the poopetrator." So, far they have only wished in one hand and crapped in the other and one hand has most definitely been more full. Still, these brave people's crusade to keep their city's slides clear of mookie stinks is inspiring. No one gave a crap, (if you will), when some kid would plop in the sandbox at my local playground. We were told to just grin and bare it. But the people of Ypsilanti have drawn a line in the sand and said that they will not turn a blind eye while their town gets flushed down the toilet. No, sir or mam. NO, SIR OR MAM.