The Vatican Can’t Find Young Priests For Exorcisms

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When I was in Catholic high school, one of our teachers was an exorcist. He was a priest, of course, and had a long pointy red beard. We were absolutely forbidden from asking him about it. But me, being a jerk, defied the edict and asked him once what it was like. He said, "If I told you, you would never sleep again." Needless to say, I stopped bothering him. But the Church is having a crisis now in that it can't find any young priests to perform exorcisms. As we all know from every exorcism movie ever, You need an old priest AND a young priest. I'm pretty sure it's canon law. Why don't these millennial hipster priests want to do exorcisms? Because they are too scared. What a bunch of chickens. Father Karras would be ashamed of them.

I'm not saying that I would be too keen on doing exorcisms if I was a priest, but luckily I chose the much easier and less dangerous route of being a writer. If anyone vomits pea soup at me it's me and I have only myself to blame.