Vanessa Hudgens Sex Tape is a Joke

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Vanessa Hudgens sex tape!!!??? What!!?@E!# Really?

No, not really. It's bullshit. Websites reporting today that there is a Vanessa Hudgens sex tape floating around the Internet have been duped by a satirical article that appeared on the website Postcards from the Pug Bus, written by one "Chip Hilton," and quotes the non-existant "Them magazine." Here's what they wrote:

Vanessa Hudgens has more to apologize for than a few perky-breasted but otherwise virginal nude photos currently starring as the screen savers du jour of sticky-fingered Internet types, young and old, across the United States.

The photos, it seems, were only the tit of the iceberg. Bed-headed geeks and freaks with dodgy skin and prophylactics over their keyboards will be chuffed to learn that the risqué snapper shots of Ms. Hudgens, the perky-breasted, eighteen-year-old star of High School Musical, are actually stills from an autoerotic sex-video she made for Nickelodeon star Drake Bell two years ago.

According to THEM Weekly, Ms. Hudgens' sex video, coyly entitled Open Me First, was made "as a gag Christmas gift" and emailed to Mr. Bell, who denies ever seeing it.

"Drake never opened the video--first, last, or otherwise," said a representative. "He learned his lesson about opening email attachments, even from people he knows intimately."

Those who have opened Open Me First--forty-five seconds' worth of footage apparently filmed with a cell phone camera--were treated to a nude Ms. Hudgens sitting spread-eagled in front of a Christmas tree. She is wearing a Santa hat, Christmas gift tags about the size of silver dollars for pasties, and a red, mistletoe-decorated thong.

While Zamfir's version of "You're All I Want for Christmas" plays in the background, Ms. Hudgens removes the pasties from her perky breasts and smiles alluringly into the camera.

Next she takes off the thong and waves it seductively. Then, removing the Santa hat and slipping her right hand into it, she whispers, "I want Santa to come up my chimney because I've been a good little girl this year."

It's funny, and completely untrue. As if Vanessa Hudgens listens to Zamfir. So there you have it. Sorry to spoil your fun, but we will all probably have to wait a little longer before any real Vanessa Hudgens sex tapes surface. Though, I'm sure one will, at the rate she's going.