Petra Nemcova Gives James Blunt the Best Sex Ever

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Okay, I really don't get it. What does James Blunt have that I don't have? Besides the hit single, most popular album of the year, and all that money, he's just some dude. And a dorky one at that. I'm dorky. Wait, that argument didn't quite work out the way I thought it would.

Regardless, I'm jealous. I mean it's Petra Nemcova for crap's sake. Yes, that Petra Nemcova. The Tsunami-surviving, Victoria's Secret-modelling, totally uber-hot Petra Nemcova.

And what could make it worse? Well, Petra's ex-boyfriend, Dutch model Donaes Platteel says that James Blunt is probably having the best sex of his life, reports EntertainmentWise.

James is a very lucky boy because she's a really wonderful lover, sensational. Absolutely faultless. He'll be having the best sex ever. Petra is so amazing. You only have to look at her. She has a body to die for.

Really, it is the most perfect female body in the world. If God wanted to make the perfect woman, he would create Petra. All her curves are perfectly proportioned. She is truly a beautiful person - and passionate, too. She is such a sensual lady.

It's not difficult for me to deal with Petra having sex with James. He is a really cool guy and I'm happy for her. I have to let her go and give her her freedom. I'm over it.

Grr. Argh. It's no fair! Holy crap am I jealous. The only sollace I get is that one day, I'll get mine. Probably not Petra Nemcova, but I'll be okay. At least she's not dating Bruce Willis.