Nicole Richie is Sexy? Error! Does Not Compute!

03:23 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

I don't know what the fuck is going on here, but at first glance, it would appear that... Wait for it... Nicole Richie is actually sexy. Yeah. I just threw up a little in my mouth. I can't quite wrap my head around it, but that is some crazy cleavage Nicole is sporting, and it's really screwing with my sense of reality. She doesn't even look as completely hideous as she used to (mainly because her crazy five-head is mostly covered). I mean, she's still scary in the face, but I don't completely feeling like puking when I look at her. Except for that little bit earlier, that is. Oh wait, here it comes again...

More of Nicole Richie and her surprising cleavage after the jump.

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Nicole Richie Pregnant Bikini Pictures

02:15 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

Do you want to see Nicole Richie pregnant bikini pictures? Probably not. Do I want to post Nicole Richie pregnant bikini pictures? Definitely not. But as the Rolling Stones said, you can't always get what you want. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'd get a ton of angry emails if I didn't post these pictures, and that would just be annoying.

So, yeah, sorry to have to make this the first thing you see coming back from the weekend, but that's just the way it is sometimes. And besides, if I have to suffer, so do you.

More Nicole Richie pregnant bikini pictures after the jump.

Photo credit: Bauer-Griffin

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Nicole Richie Has Big Breasts, and It's Freaking Me Out

01:40 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

Okay, I understand that when women get pregnant, their breasts get bigger and all that, but the sight of Nicole Richie's breasts being all big and cleavagey is making me go insane. My cave man brain can't help but see breasts and want to look, but it's Nicole Richie! She is the most disgusting, skeletal, annoying, "human being" on the planet, and if I end up finding her attractive I will have to shoot myself.

So then why am I posting these pictures of Nicole Richie showing off her new boobs? Well, if I'm going out, I'm taking all of you with me, damn it!

Photo credit: INF Photo

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Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are Fakers

12:24 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

First things first. If you ever thought there was anything real about reality television, let me tell you a secret: There isn't. And if you ever thought there was anything real about Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, let me tell you another secret: You're retarded.

That's right, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are the two most fake "people" in the world, and just in case you needed any proof, here they are shooting their reality show, and then doing another take. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but there are no "second takes" in real life.

The scene in question involves the two vapid anorexics leaving their house, and encountering a "mob" of paparazzi, yelling and taking photos. Naturally, the paparazzi are content to play along, so they can get their photos, but if I was there, I wouldn't be yelling "Paris, you look great. I love your shoes." I would be yelling "You suck! I've seen it on video!" In fact, I'd be doing everything I could to make sure they didn't get a single frame of usable footage for their pathetic excuse for a television show.

And, while we're on the subject, you might expect that the people in a reality show should appear to be real, or at the very least alive, but these two have the combined personality, and charisma of the Tic Tac they shared for lunch. If this was really a reality show, shouldn't they be filming the scene where Paris is doing loads of drugs, and Nicole is throwing up that leaf of lettuce she had last month?

Watch the Video:

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie film their reality show The Simple Life

More pictures of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie faking their way through "life" after the jump.

Photo credit: Bauer-Griffin

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Nicole Richie: Cocaine, Liking, and Licking

01:12 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

More damning evidence of the hard partying lifestyle of Paris Hilton and her friends has surfaced from the Paris Exposed website, and this video features Nicole Richie allegedly (becuase I don't want to get sued) licking cocaine from a plate, while Paris says "Don't eat it all, you fucking snort it."

Yeah, so I'm not saying it's a plate full of cocaine, again, because I might get sued if I do, but if it walks, talks, looks and licks cocaine off a plate like a duck, then it's probably a duck. You know how the old saying goes.

Watch the video:

Nicole Richie Licking Cocaine video

Link: Nicole Richie: Cocaine, Liking, and Licking

Nicole Richie Does a Bikini, Joel Madden Does a Crane Kick

03:07 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden annoy me. She, with her anorexia and the unwillingness to avoid wearing a bikini. He, with his stupid tattoos, and stupid Karate Kid crane kick bullshit. His "music" sucks, and she, well, has never done anything worthwhile in her life. She can't even manage to get that stupid bikini top to completely cover her non-existent breasts.

The fact that these two wastes of oxygen might one day accidentally procreate make me physically sick. Seriously, if I actually think about them, I feel like throwing up. But I guess Nicole Richie would know a thing or two about that.

They're dumb, useless, and I don't like them.

Oh look! A video: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden on the beach.

And more pictures after the jump. Puke.

Photo credit: Flynet

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Nicole Richie has an Eating Disorder

04:29 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

I feel sorry for Nicole Richie. Everyone rags on her for being anorexic, or bulimic, or having some other sort of eating disorder. But, as you can plainly see, the girl is eating. Look closer, though, and her real eating disorder becomes apparent: She doesn't actually know how to eat.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone stick their tongue completely out of their mouth like that while eating. Beyond being bad manners, it's just weird. Not to mention disgusting. Add to that the bits of food hanging out of her mouth, and you begin to understand the depths of her problem.

It explains so much, after all. How could you expect Nicole Richie to actually eat anything when she's just so bad at it. At least it looks like she's getting most of the food in her mouth now. I don't dare imagine how bad she must have been before.

On a side note, check out Lauren "LC" Conrad of Laguna Beach / The Hills "fame" at the table (last two pictures). Nicole is actually having lunch on LC's home turf of Laguna Beach.

Photo credit: Flynet

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Nicole Richie Got Is Busted

01:53 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

Celebrities are stupid. There's no two ways about it. And there's no exception in the case of Nicole Richie. According to TMZ, Nicole Richie was arrested for DUI early Monday morning, and booked at 4:50am, after driving her SUV the wrong way on a LA freeway. She was released at 7:15, and according to the booking sheet, Richie is 5'1" and weighs a scant 85 lbs.

We're told two motorists spotted her SUV going the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank. The drivers called 911.

When the CHP responded, Richie was stopped in the carpool lane and was alone in the vehicle. When cops approached the vehicle, Richie was on her cellphone.

Law enforcement officers tell TMZ Nicole Richie admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot.

A preliminary alcohol screening device revealed that Nicole was not under the influence of alcohol.

One law enforcement source tell TMZ that while Richie was at the jail she was "very cooperative and very humble."

This is not the first brush Richie has had with substance abuse. In 2003, she pled guilty to heroin possession. The charges were dismissed after she completed the terms of her probation.

Nice work. As if it wasn't enough that Nicole Richie proves daily how useless she is, now she gets busted for a DUI. I know celebrities always get special treatment, but you can't tell me that driving the wrong way down the highway isn't enough to get you locked up. Too bad the charges were dismissed on her heroin possession, one more, and that would three strikes.

Link: Nicole Richie Got Is Busted

American Music Awards Mega Picture Post

12:00 AM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

The American Music Awards are useless. No one involved with them in any capacity is an actual musician, so it doesn't matter who wins what. A singular exception is made for Tenacious D who rocked the hizouse.

On a slightly more positive note, Jimmy Kimmel did a solid job as host, but how hard can it really be when the music industry is already one big joke.

That being said, award shows still bring out the famous ladies in fancy dresses, and that's always enough to get posted on Egotastic! So sit back, relax and get clicking, cuz this post will be way better than the AMAs. Why? Because it's silent.

Check out all the 226 American Music Awards pictures.

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Nicole Richie Bitches MySpace Style

01:13 PM, Filed under: Home \ Celebrities \ Nicole Richie

What's a modern girl to do when Page Six suggests she's had Gastric Bypass surgery (stomach stapling), and every blog in the world (except this one) jokes about it ad nauseum? Why, she should write a response her MySpace page, of course. And that's just what Nicole Richie did.

So i gain a little bit of weight, and im acussed of having a gastric bypass surgery reversed? Its pathetic of Page Six to insinuate i have done this. Anyone that knows anything about this surgery would know that legally, you must be AT LEAST 100 pounds overweight to even have the surgery done, and is a serious, life changing procedure; not one to throw around as a joke or a rumor. Ive given a statement I am in the process of putting on weight, and that should be enough. Its a shame to hear that instead of hearing supportive words, someone needs to spin it into some negative, absurd way

The real question, though, is not whether or not Nicole Richie has had surgery of one kind or another. The real question is why anyone cares. This girl has done absolutely nothing except ride Paris Hilton's coattails to fame (and stick her hand in a cow's ass).

I don't care. Do you care? You really shouldn't care.

And because this is pretty much the exact same post you'll find on every other blog today, here are the same Nicole Richie pictures. If you are easily offended at the site of Nicole Richie not wearing a bra, you are strongly cautioned to proceed no further.

More Nicole Richie pics after the jump.

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