Lindsay Lohan vs. Paris Hilton: Fight! – The Firecrotch Saga Continues

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You know what, I wish this whole Lindsay Lohan / Paris Hilton fight would finally reach its logical conclusion: A real-life Celebrity Smackdown, complete with biting Chihuahuas. But according to PageSix, the whole affair is still one big passive aggressive, high-school style feud.

On Saturday, Hilton turned up at the Lia Sophia jewelry clambake at the Polaroid Beach House in Malibu, where her nemesis Lindsay Lohan was holding court with new squeeze Harry Morton.

"Paris was hanging out with Brandon Davis, her sister Nicky and Bijou Phillips," reports our spy. "She made it a point to whisper and laugh very loudly the entire time, snickering behind Lindsay's back."

Lohan, retreated with Morton to a back bedroom where they couldn't hear Hilton's malevolent cackle. Later that afternoon, as Hilton strutted past Lohan's corner, one of Morton's friends jumped up and faked a kick to her bony backside when she wasn't looking.

Hilton's snicker is nothing new to Lohan's ears - the heiress laughed herself silly during Davis' anti-Lohan "firecrotch" rant that was all over the Internet a few months ago.

Meanwhile, Defamer has it's own scoop that Paris is still getting mileage out the Firecrotch term, and even referred to Lindsay as such, when Lohan called Hilton on her cell phone.

[Paris] looks annoyed at her phone. "It's Firecrotch," she says, and pushes the button to send the call to voicemail.

"I can't believe she's calling you," says Sycophantic Entourage Member no. 1. "I know," chimes in S.E.M. no. 2. S.E.M. nos. 3 through 6 all agree.

I notice Paris' bodyguard, who is standing a few feet away, and a single paparazzo, who is standing just outside the store taking pictures.

The phone rings again. Paris looks at it again. "It's Firecrotch AGAIN," she says, and again sends the call to voicemail. "I can't believe she keeps calling me. What a bitch."

Seriously, I really want these two to throw down, because I think Lindsay would rip Paris Hilton's ass to shreds (not to mention whatever designer handbag she happens to be carrying around at the time). Now that Lindsay's pretty much back to fighting weight, Paris wouldn't stand a chance. Especially since, from all accounts, she appears to have the quick-witted reflexes of a drunken, coked-out sloth.

Sadly there are no blood-stained photos yet, but I really like these ultra ironic pictures of Lindsay Lohan shielding herself from the Paparazzi with a copy of Life & Style magazine. More pictures after the jump.