Doctor Strangelove, or: How Lindsay Lohan tried to use Stavros Niarchos to make Harry Morton and Paris Hilton Jealous

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Lindsay Lohan is a silly girl. While she's not telling photographers to fuck off and die, she's trying to piss off two bird-brains with one stoner. That is, Lindsay is trying to make both her ex-boyfriend, Harry Morton, and her arch-nemesis, Paris Hilton, jealous by getting "bizzay" with Stavros Niarchos, Paris' ex.

I know, it's all very sordid and complicated, but I'll try to work it out for you. First off, here's what Page Six is reporting:

On Friday, the day after Morton dumped Lohan and she mysteriously turned up at arch-rival Hilton's house for a party, Lohan's rep Leslie Sloane Zelnik chirped that Lohan and Morton were back together.

But it wasn't so. The devious redhead was overheard calling Hilton's ex-love Stavros Niarchos on Saturday to ask for help in getting her revenge. According to our earwitness, Lohan told Niarchos, "No one can know I got dumped... You will look like a total stud, and it will drive Paris crazy [if we hang out together]."

Niarchos, who fooled around with Hilton just last week, was amenable to the plan. And so the pair appeared Sunday at Dragonfly in L.A. "where they held hands and made out all night and then drove in separate cars back to [Lohan's] suite at the Chateau."

But Morton hasn't swallowed the bait. Spies say Morton, who is sober and does not like to party, broke it off with Lohan because, "She was just too much for him. He tried to calm her down and succeeded a little bit - but it was exhausting. That, and she was extremely jealous and would harass him with texts, e-mails and phone calls constantly."

And here's how TMZ tells it:

Though Lindsay went to great lengths not to be seen with the Greek shipping heir outside the nightclub -- hiding behind a sheet and telling photogs to "f*** off and die" -- the two were all smiles when spotted together earlier that night. Lohan and Niarchos were photographed looking very flirtatious while hanging out at the Chateau Marmont, Lindsay's home, before heading to a concert at Dragonfly.

You'd think Lindsay would take great delight in sticking it to Paris Hilton, who has been somewhat instrumental in creating Lindsay's now-famous nickname, "Firecrotch." TMZ's video of Brandon Davis on a "Firecrotch" rant, Paris right by his side, is now firmly embedded in pop culture.

So yeah, Lindsay thinks acting like a skank will make Paris and Harry jealous. If anything, Paris will see it as a sign of their kindred spirit, and they will form an everlasting bond of skanky freindship. And Harry Morton is rich, smart (especially after dumping Lindsay), and famous (especially after dumping Lindsay), so things are looking up for him.

Sorry Lindsay. Better luck next time.

Photo credit: X17