Ashlee Simpson Abused as a Child

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Well, maybe not, but she did have to deal with her parents' wrath after uttering the "B" word (that's Bitch, by the way). According to The Post Chronicle Ashlee Simpson's parents literally washed her mouth out with soap after hearing her use the offending word.

I said a bad word once, and I actually did get my mouth washed out with soap. I know, you sometimes hear about that, but it actually happened to me.

Hmm, so maybe that explains things. I guess she probably swallowed some of the soap, which would explain her brain damage. It would also explain her satisfaction after leaving this hair salon, with can only ne described as a less-than-flattering cut. It all makes sense now.