Reese Witherspoon strokes a mighty trunk. (FoxNews)
Kristen Bell sweet bikini body. (Celebuzz)
January Jones is scary sexy. (HuffPo)
Zooey Deschanel at her hottest. (CityRag)
Kate Upton teases with her mouth. (DrunkenStepfather)
Sofia Vergara squeezes into some tight pants. (Popoholic)
Elsa Pataky perfect bikini goodness. (WWTDD)
Seriously, I think a restraining order is in order on Cousin Jonathan, and I say that knowing just how difficult it is to see family members fall victim to the whims of various laws and statutes. (Shoutout to Uncle MoMo in high security at Corcoran!) But how can one man lust Reese Witherspoon so very much that he trails her butt 24x7 with the pretend camera we give him, it's really just his fingers framed into a square that we convinced him actually takes photos. You should see the poor bastard running around Brentwood holding out his hands like a kid at the state fair juggling a freshly fried corndog and yelling, 'Reese, Reese, give us a picture, love.' And he's not even British. So sad. Still, she does have a nice MILFass. Enjoy.
Photo credit: pacificcoastnewsonline.com
Reese Witherspoon finally unleashed the cleavage baring tank top and shorts on on her morning run through Brentwood and we are fortunate to have a couple snapshots for our memory banks. The first sign of Witherspoon cleavage means that Spring is almost upon us and skin, skin, and more skin, will be coming from our favorite sexy celebrities as the weather warms up again. This is a very good thing for those of us in the ogling seats. Enjoy.
Photo credit: Fame
Reese Witherspoon continues her daily jogs around town in her little black stretch pants and top, this time looking far more jovial and all body bendy and flashing asstastic and giving Cousin Jonathan here all kind of unnatural fits. Must admit, I'm super close to waking up early one morning to see if I can catch Reese Witherspoon jogging past my window. I value my beauty rest, but catching this little blonde actress in her skin tights bounce-stepping about the City of Angels, well, that's also quite beautiful. Enjoy.
Photo credit: Splash News
Cousin Jonathan has a major crush on Reese Witherspoon, throw in some leggings and some body sweat, and even covered in the sometimes ominous am-I-a-hot-chick-or-not face covering baseball hat and sunglasses, well, we just had to post these Reese Witherspoon jogging pictures. Don't get me wrong, I dig the new unmarried (or is she married again already, can't even remember) Reese. She's showing more boobage and asstastic than ever before, sort of leaving behind her previously precious young thespian 'tude and entering delightfully into the MILFtastic stage of her celebrity sex appeal lifecycle. It's all quite enjoyable for the ogling public. Still, I don't have it bad like Cousin Jonathan who would stare at her dental X-rays for six hours if he had the chance. Enjoy.
Photo credit: Fame
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Egotastic
Reese Witherspoon Still Married, Still Hot, Still Making Cousin Jonathan Cry
Literally, I've never seen a man so in crush before with a girl he has no shot at as poor Cousin Jonathan. I mean, of course I've seen unrequited lust before; and I definitely know guys who imagine that Miranda Kerr is their girlfriend (me, thrice daily, in the coat closet here). But the way Cousin Jonathan sits here in his own pile of tears, especially since Reese Witherspoon tied the knot once again with her agent or manager or somebody works who with him or something. Well, the ShamWow has been working overtime here, sopping up the sobbing remnants of a man who believes he's lost his shot at a celebrity hottie forever. It's sad on one level, but we still mock him, of course. Especially given how extra hot Reese Witherspoon has been looking since her wedding night of continuously making the sexy, even just strutting about Brentwood not in jogging clothes. Enjoy.