Katie Holmes

Katie Holmes Looks Leg-o-Licious In Her Short Skirt Strut

January 20, 2011 @ 11:41 am
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Condition Omega!

Which of the minders let Katie Holmes out in this leggy number? H-A-W-T. I really am hoping that this once young sextastic starlet, forced into mom jeans and baggy sweats by the power of Xenu, rediscovers and displays her MILFy fineries way more often. Katie Holmes has some legs that deserve their own cult following. Wow, somebody ought burn those mom jeans right about now. Enjoy.

Photo credit: X17

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Katie Holmes MILF Hotness Can’t Be Contained by The Minders

January 11, 2011 @ 4:41 pm
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The volcanic Titans of Blastophere must be envious of the ultimate heat generated by temporarily freed Katie Holmes, whose sextastic shine can't be contained by Minders, let alone the closets full of mom-jeans woven by Tom in his secret underground laboratory and anti-fem research center. These sultry Katie Holmes pictures appearing in the February edition of Elle magazine are surely going to cost somebody at least fifty-eight life cycles on the Haggard Space Continuum Charts, or, in more common terms, going to give millions of Dawson Creek fans a major boner. Enjoy.

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Katie Holmes Sexy Legs Tipping Off Award Season

December 14, 2010 @ 12:20 pm
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With a thirty-minute timeout from Tom and Xenu, granted through permission slips filled out in ox-blood, Katie Holmes made her way early this morning to announce the Golden Globe nominations for the Hollywood Foreign Press association, also known as a bunch of fat dudes who get tons of free shwag from studios. Katie Holmes looks hot to me when she's literally freed from her earthly confines; I wish she could go full sexy sometime soon, because I'm holding onto thoughts of her boobs and legs and hotness, like a lighthouse of sextastic as she journeys through the thick fog of her matronly duties. Enjoy.

Sadly, as Katie Holmes bent over the evening before on the set of Jack and Jill, in addition to cracktastic, you could see the bandage covering the area where she receives her Stepford injections. Hold tight, Katie, I'm coming for you soon.

Photo credit: Fame

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Katie Holmes Escapes Compound In Poorly Chosen Purple Top

November 29, 2010 @ 10:12 am
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Xenu alert level fuzzy purple! While Tom Cruise was racing around Hollywood in his new Mustang, Katie Holmes hatched a plot to escape the heavily guarded underground bunker that serves as prison for her body, mind, and sextasticness, even pulling on a pair of form fitting jeans as a sign of rebellion against both her husband/captor and the Senior Nucleated Counsel and Lord of the Whispering Trees. Sadly for Katie, the purple sweater was a dead giveaway, spotted quickly by minders, and the former Dawson's Creek actress was quickly grabbed up by a short gay man in a black leather jacket. No, not her husband, a different short gay man in a black leather jacket. Well, Katie, it was brief, but it was enjoyable.

Photo credit: GSi media

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Katie Holmes Topless: 10 Year Anniversay of the Greatest Gift Ever! (VIDEO)

 
November 10, 2010 @ 3:34 pm
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Ten years ago to this very day (I think this very day, plus or minus a day, I mean, acid and age have taken their obvious toll on my B-minus G.P.A. brain), my bocce ball league teammate, Veals Parker, had a friend who had a cousin who was banging a dude who worked at Paramount Studios, who got us an advanced viewing opportunity of this movie called, The Gift. And, oh, what a gift indeed.

Before Kim Kardashian was ever blanketed in urine (on film at least), before Britney Spears commandoed her vajayjay for all the world to see, before Egotastic! was even born, there was the sweet and sexy Katie Holmes on screen flashing full frontal boobity. I just about died. Inspiration! What amazing fun bags on the young rising actress. And, now, a sad sad reminder of how Tom Cruise has shackled and buried Katie Holmes sextasticness in a lockbox stored inside a safe buried beneath a giant boulder in the molten hot center of Xenu's volcano. Bring back your gift, Katie. Bring it back. Please.

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Katie Holmes Escapes With Plans for Tom’s New Underground Bunker

October 20, 2010 @ 8:38 am
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Sometimes I wonder if my Katie Holmes lust is based around some type of Stockholm Syndrome; that is, the time I drank way too much vodka with a group of Swedish glassblowers in a Göteborg bar and woke up with a very put-out goat in a low-end Stockholm hotel. Probably not related. Still, I find myself searching desperately for signs of hotness life in and around the wife and kidnap victim of Tom Cruise. Seen here absconding with the plans for her husband's underground bunker and Xenu gaming parlor, Katie Holmes pulls off the femme fatale role with sexy aplomb. Someday, when the war is over and Katie is free, I suspect we'll see her in bikinis and panties, but, for now, it's catch as catch can with this Dawson's Creek alum. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Fame

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Katie Holmes Trades-In the Xenu Jeans For A Sexy Photoshoot With Marie Claire

September 29, 2010 @ 6:59 am
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There I am, sipping my afternoon Earl Grey, when Wendell Stubbs, my next door neighbor with the prison record for burning down not one, but two bowling alleys, knocks on my front door. Apparently, my October edition of Marie Claire magazine had been incorrectly delivered to his home, the A-frame with the poorly tended front lawn that all us neighbors are afraid to talk to him about. Wendell gets in my face and asks me why I'm receiving a girly magazine like Marie Claire. So I flip open the ladies mag for my felonious friend right to these hot pictures of Katie Holmes. And, Wendell's like 'no way', and I'm like, 'way', and, net net, we spent the afternoon together sipping Earl Grey and leafing through my archives of Elle magazine.

By the way, have I mentioned just how hot Katie Holmes gets when she breaks away from the Thetans for an afternoon?

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