Heidi Klum

Seacrest’s Sea Breasts

May 9, 2011 @ 12:00 pm

Julianne Hough tight little beach body. (Celebuzz)

Heidi Klum MILF bikini body. (TMZ)

Taylor Swift gets tied up. (HuffPo)

Meet the sexy Playmate of the year. (FoxNews)

Cheryl Cole shows her sweet Brit Butt. (LaineyGossip)

Rose McGowan awesome workout body. (Popoholic)

Jessica Simpson without pants? (TheSuperficial)

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Kids’ Choice Awards Brings Out the Barely Legal Hotties

April 4, 2011 @ 9:23 am
Victoria Justice at the Kids' Choice Awards
Miley Cyrus at the Kids' Choice Awards
Selena Gomez at the Kids' Choice Awards
Taylor Momsen at the Kids' Choice Awards
Kim Kardashian at the Kids' Choice Awards
Ariana Grande at the Kids' Choice Awards
Victoria Justice at the Kids' Choice Awards
Victoria Justice at the Kids' Choice Awards
Victoria Justice at the Kids' Choice Awards
View the Gallery / 37 Photos »

Okay, let me lay this out there, not all the hotties at the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards this weekend are quite of age yet, so, let's say this is a mix of sexy celebrities and cute celebrities to keep an eye on for the future. Let's be real, sweet looking women don't hatch from eggs at the age of 18 (although, how awesome would it be to work in that hatchery?) On the other hand, there was some more mature celebs in attendance that seemed rather odd. Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? The last time we saw them getting slimed they were... well, nevermind. The good news, the future of hotness looks bright in Tinsel Town as the starlet factories keep producing and pimping more junior bits of future awesome to keep the ogle train rolling down its endless track.

The likes of future hotness included the ridiculously barely legal sexy Victoria Justice, Miley Cyrus looking sweet, Selena Gomez sans overblown midget boyfriend, bad girl Taylor Momsen, British pop import Pixie Lott, 13 going on 30 Bella Thorne, and Ariana Grande, who is hot just for getting to see Victoria Justice change wardrobe daily. And, at the adult table, Billionaire Barbie, who fondly recalled her own kid memories of live sex shows and ecstasy, Kim Kardashian, who had to grow up fast on the mean streets of Brentwood, and Heidi Klum, who I will never question the appropriateness of her attendance anywhere at any time because she's just so hot. Enjoy.

(Updated to add: for those of you asking about the Victoria Justice upskirt moment during the Kids' Choice Awards -- Victoria Justice Upskirt gif ---be advised this links to a hosting site with spammy adult advertisements)

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2011 Grammy Awards Sextastic Celebrities Give Me Treble In My Loins

February 14, 2011 @ 3:18 am
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Okay, so I admit, I fell asleep halfway through this year's Grammy Awards. Well, technically, half way through the first five minutes of the Grammy's. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I turned it off when Lady Gaga arrived in an egg. Call me old-fashioned, but back in my day, when a girl was unattractive, she just wore a ball-cap low over her head and showed off her cleavage. Still, this is my job (I mean, as much as my fantasy life leads me to believe I am gainfully employed), so I tuned on the DVR and did a run-through in Egotastic! motion. Not bad really on the sexy celebrity side this year. Always hit or miss at the Grammy's. And, for me, the surprise hit of the night was definitely Jennifer Hudson. Wow. Girl lost several stone of potatoes and gained my hardcore lust in the process. Welcome to Egotastic!, Jennifer, and, bravo.

Along with Jennifer Hudson, other standout sextastic for me included Selena Gomez (so hot without her midget in tow), Heidi Klum (whose contribution to the music world is banging Seal), Paz Vega (for that barely there dress), Kim Kardashian's butt (injected with fat culled from dead baby seals), Katy Cocktease (big boobs never hurt, always help), Rihanna (something about that body and her see-through dresses), and Ciara (who is now front and center in my dominatrix dreams). Enjoy.

And, while I once again received zero invitations this year to any Grammy parties (somebody is obviously stealing my mail), I'd be remiss if I didn't point out for your ogling pleasure the dress worn by Miley Cyrus at the Clive Davis' Grammy Pre-Party. While I do think it ought be considered a crime against nature to hand Miley Cyrus a working microphone, I will say this, she dolls up perty. And in this tight little number, well, you must enlarge to check out her cleavage compression.

Photo credit: INF Photo / bauergriffinonline.com / Splash News

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DT Spain Picks Their Top 50 Celebrity Hotties; Not Too Shabby

January 28, 2011 @ 11:56 am
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I didn't have the ogle power to work my way through the entire list of what DT Spain magazine picked as their fifty hottest hotties in the celebrity hottiesphere, but, needless to say, these kinds of lists are hard to argue with selections from, just because everybody on them is of course pretty damn sexy, even if there's some argument over the ordering. Still, a few caught my eye I just had to share, including Heidi Klum, Irina Shayk, Gisele Bundchen, Megan Fox, Alessandra Ambrosio, Bar Refaeli, Adriana Lima, Sara Carbonero (Spanish sports reporter), Amaia Salamanca (featured in the header), Jessica Alba, and Scarlett Johansson. Yep, not too shabby. Enjoy.

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2011 Golden Globes Sexiest Red Carpet Arrivals

January 16, 2011 @ 11:59 am
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Okay, those who stuck with me through the night know that I was in some trouble with my girlfriend for ogling down the hottest celebrities on the red carpet at this evening's 2011 Golden Globe Awards. I'm in the doghouse, but while I am, I'm going to envision a cathouse filled with my favorite sexy celebrities of the evening (in no particular order of preference, all these ladies may assault me in perverse ways at their discretion):

Anne Hathaway, Dianna Agron, Emma Stone, Megan Fox, Sofia Vergara, Eva Longoria, Maria Menounos, Naya Rivera, Nicole Kidman, Amy Adams, Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Heidi Klum, and Mandy Moore.

Photo credit: INF Photo / Fame

Remember to check out Celebuzz if you're looking for a full fix of pics and stories from the 2011 Golden Globe Awards.

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Katy Cocktease and Taylor Swift Lead 2010 American Music Award Hotness Rundown

November 22, 2010 @ 6:12 am
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I know, every former teen generation says that the current teenage generation has lousy taste in music and that pop music ain't what it used to be when it was all about FILL IN THE BLANK FROM YOUR FAVORITE BAND AS A YOUNG TEEN. And, since my preeminent position in the media world forces me to endure listening to much of this contemporary popular chicken screech, I'm easily inclined to say that today's auto-tuned empty-lyric interchangeable pop dance move music really does truly suck. Still, there's no way to support or defend this entirely subjective (albeit backed by genius) statement. However, what is far more undeniable is the present and unparalleled level of young hotness of today's pop divas. I say this as a man who was quite sure he'd never wank to another after the first arrival of Kylie Minogue on the music scene.

Last evening's American Music Awards was the expected assemblage of mediocre music and choreographed dance talent crammed into one, thankfully blessed, package of singing girl sextasticness. Leading the pack for me in terms of diva hotness: Katy Cocktease (yes, I know, I'm falling into her trap, but dammit, I want fall deep into her trap!), Taylor Swift (who looked grown up and hot and all kinds of sexy), and Miley Cyrus (wearing some kind of toilet paper dress, but with just a couple days left til her 18th birthday, you know I can't wait to squeeze that Charmin.)

I'm also throwing out honorable mentions for non-singers, Julie Benz of Dexter, a true hottie who pushed up some monumental cleavage last night, Heidi Klum, a veteran MILF for her see-through dress, and Jada Pinkett Smith, who if you see her looking like that and don't imagine being her sexually submissive servant, well, then you're not nearly as messed up in the head as me. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Fame

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Taylor Swift, Heidi Klum, Rachel Bilson, and Leona Lewis: Four Cavalli Hotties

September 30, 2010 @ 11:12 am
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Here's how my parties tend to go. Dudes start walking in, then more dudes, followed by a girl, which is awesome, until it turns out she's just asking for directions to a cooler party she's invited to, followed by more dudes. You know who doesn't show up to my party? Super celebrity hotties like Taylor Swift, Heidi Klum, Rachel Bilson, and Leona Lewis, all of whom knocked my dirty socks off in their grown up, adult, all-decked out hotness kind of way at Roberto Cavalli's party in Milan. What does he got that I don't got? Yeah, I know, let's not start making a list. Enjoy.

(Yep, this is a moment for you Taylor Swift lusters to rejoice. Your girl looks actually all adult sexy.)

Photo credit: Splash News / pacificcoastnewsonline.com / INF Photo

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