Gisele Bundchen in lingerie. (FoxNews)
Get ready for lots of Playboy Bunnies. (HuffPo)
Lily Aldridge. Damn it. (PopEater)
Hilary Duff looks busty. (Popoholic)
Erin Heatherton and other freckled hotties. (TheChive)
Ashley Greene looking fine. (FabLife)
Osama Bin Laden goes channel surfing. (CollegeHumor)
Even more Jessica Alba bikini shots. (Celebuzz)
Ashley Greene looking hot. (HuffPo)
Ali Larter gets her swagger back. (FoxNews)
Miley Cyrus sexy summer tour pictures. (Idolator)
Playboy Playmate of the Year, Claire Sinclair. (SocialiteLife)
Crazy chick really loves burgers. (CollegeHumor)
Gisele Bundchen in lingerie. (DrunkenStepfather)
Whoa, when did sweaty Ashley Greene turn into the super hot muscular dominatrix of the dreams that I only share with my shrink? In the three months since dumping her job as pretend girlfriend to 'super duper macho masculine' Joe Jonas, she's lost the sad-face, the extra-cushion and she's added a perma-smile and some ripped muscles and toned sweaty body that is just driving me all kind of aerobically nuts. Not nuts enough to say, rejoin the spinning class at my gym where even the BBW's were making fun of my game, but, nuts enough to wonder if she'd hire me to be her shower manager / towel boy. No pay, natch, but some startling views of this comeback super hottie would be more than enough compensation. Enjoy.
(EgoNote: if your girlfriend attends a gym with valet parking, you, my friend, have a destiny that involves becoming super broke.)
What if you had a hottie party and every hottie in Hottieville showed up?
Another year, another invitation to the Costume Gala at the Metropolitan Museum lost in the mail by my postal delivery specialist, Mr. Tritonovich. Alas, I was all dressed up in my finest Zubaz pants with nowhere to get. Thankfully, my good friends from Italy, Signor Paparaazo, kept me busy all evening long with a never-ending stream of sexy celebrities at the Met Gala. The list is ridiculous. Granted, this is a party where a bunch of dudes with exotic names and no interest whatsoever in women's boobs, design a bunch of high-fashion for celebrities and pretend that they care how their models asses look in their couture. Nevertheless, even with billowing fabrics, feathers, and an assortment of things way to complicated for normal dudes to ever undress off of a woman, there was a supernova's worth of heat coming off the Met red carpet last night, among which, my favorites, if forced to choose, were Ashley Greene (just incredibly hot), Miranda Kerr (and her new boobtastic), Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (getting steamier as Transformers 3 approaches), and Rihanna (who more and more resembles a classic sculpture of some hottie princess from exotic lands).
In addition to this quadrangle of sextastic quim, there were a bazillion and one other sexy celebs, but as a result of the beer-drinking-is-making-me-sleepy principal this evening, I did cut the list down to: Evan Rachel Wood (how is this girl not more highly rated?), Lily Aldridge (L.A.'s finest offspring), Bar Refaeli (Israeli hottie), Beyonce (the booty call of my dreams), Fergie (I'd like to add my gravy to her peas), Madonna (oh yea, give it up for Madge at 52), Kristen Stewart (who could not bring herself to smile), Taylor Swift (just a classic beauty), Kate Hudson (pregnant by yet another rocker), Jessica Alba (naturally), Salma Hayek (veteran MILF hottie), Ciara (still don't know who she is, still lust her), Emma Roberts (getting toward sextastic levels), Gwynneth Paltrow (I don't like her, but I'd tap that... nevermind), Christina Hendricks (busty and delicious), Penelope Cruz (en fuego MILF), Blake Lively (the newest hottest ginger), Sofia Vergara (the maker of wanton dreams), Lea Michele (Glee petite sweet), Dianna Agron (mo' mo' Glee hottie), Gisele Bundchen (belongs on every hottie list), and Zoe Saldana (one of my secret lust crushes).
Wow. If you remove all the hotties from that list and add my grandma, you have my most recent birthday party E-vite YES list. Enjoy.
As much I pretend to lament the corporatization of the Coachella Music Festival, and bitch about how star-fuckery has well surpassed music appreciation out in the desert, well, the upshot is a California migration of sexy celebrities that is well worth celebrating each Spring. While Cee Lo Green was up on stage cursing and bitching about sand being stuck in his crack, a nice gaggle of hotties roamed the pachouli oil stinking lawns including Whitney Port, who delightfully flashed her pretty girl panties in a dramatic upskirt post, Vanessa Hudgens who wore some kind of macrame pants that showed her bare to the underthings, Lindsay Lohan who had all the tchotckhe vendors hiding their beaded jewelry from the felonious star, Kate Bosworth back from topless beach vacation, Billionaire Barbie and her less attractive sister, Nicky Hilton, Alessandra Ambrosio, who has probably never not looked hot her whole existence, Katy Cocktease who hid her cleavage from the sun, Tallulah Willis, a newly single Ashley Greene, and Tara Reid who surprisingly did not have a wardrobe malfunction. Throw in some Black Keys and you've got a pretty decent party. Enjoy.
Finally, my be-lusted Ashley Greene in full and living color. No longer showing signs of Jonas Brother contagion, Ashley Greene is once again free to flash her full deck of sextastic, even in the women's magazines where chicks check out chicks for purposes guys can only wonder. But there's no wondering about whether Ashley Greene is hot. Featured here in this month's Glamour magazine, the sexy former Twilighter with the sweet asstastic shows that she deserves a real boyfriend, a man of substance, a heartfelt blogger who styles in a 'classic' Corolla with just a minor amount of Bondo putty perhaps? Call me, Ash, this Miley doll will only hold my attention for so long. Enjoy.
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Egotastic
BATTLE HOTTIE GANGSTER: Ashley Greene and Aly Michalka Audition for Same Movie Role
How this for a job -- casting director for the female lead in The Gangster Squad, the movie based on the book about 1940's L.A. gangsters that seems to already have Sean Penn and Ryan Gosling attached, and a female lead that requires you to bring in sexy actresses, one after another, to audition in your small office. First comes Ashley Greene, Twilight hottie recently freed from Jonas Brothers beard duty and looking more lust-worthy than ever. Next, Aly Michalka, no longer a Hellcat cheerleader, now flashing cleavage and her never-ending legs in a gansterette style that make my trigger finger start itching for my love gat. (Later on, the likes of sexy Maggie Grace and Aussie-beauty Teresa Palmer also showed up for the same audition.) Yep, your work is definitely tough. I won't even get into the whole 'casting couch' angle (though I will be imagining that thoroughly for at least three hours today alone in my private chambers). Wow. Enjoy.