Minka Kelly Needs a Pat-Down, I Need Oxygen

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At some point, there's going to be enough of a groundswell from the vox populi to dismantle the system of rigorous TSA pat-downs at the airport of unsuspecting female travelers (okay, some guys get pissed too about this, but, let's face it, a dude complaining about a sack-grab generally falls on deaf ears, or so Father Risputelli cautioned me repeatedly back in the rectory during grade school). But, before this hideously hands-on practice is discontinued, I sure do hope LAX accepts my employment application and I pray that the amazingly hot Minka Kelly comes walking through my jurisdiction. The happy snapping of my gloves will be heard 'round the world as I powder up my ten-fingered inspection unit for a hard-target search of the super-sexy Charlie's Angels actress.

Oh, Minka, we're going to play a game of head-to-toe hide and seek like you've not quite experienced before. Mmmm-inka.  Enjoy.